Lonely
by klcm
Summary: She couldn't sleep, she thought she was a screw up and had ruin1ed her life. He, being him, knew differently. Had she ruined their relationship after all? Kevin/Garcia disaster! but then comes M! - M/G! - bad summary I am afraid...


Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds

She lay awake unable to sleep, she had images of the days just gone floating continually around her mind.

_Penny I love you. I'm the here and now and all you can do is love him._

_What I do love you Kevin._

_I should have known better than get involved with you._

_What are you saying?_

_If you can't get over him I can't carry on this, whatever this is._

_What do you want me to do?_

_To stop seeing him._

_What! I can't believe you are making me pick._

_Him or me Penny._

That was only the beginning, he got more and more angrier at her and she had no idea why, she did everything he asked of her, it was only as she walked into a bar with Emily ready to get the first round in before the others joined them did she see him sitting there with another woman, more than intimate for friends or family. She excused herself and left immediately.

_So I'm the one ruining our relationship am I?_

_What are you talking about Penny?_

_I saw you._

_Saw me? Where?_

_In the bar, you know the one I go to every Friday with the team. So who is she?_

_Who is who?_

_Oh come on Kevin, you have the decency to lecture me for loving Derek and now I see you touching, well groping, another woman in a bar. Then you swan into my apartment like nothing is wrong._

_I didn't think you would see that._

_Oh no well it was a pretty public show, so how long?_

_Erm..._

_Spit it out Kevin._

_Nearly two months._

_Two months! I can't believe this. Its okay you can have her, I can't be with you after this._

_I want you Penny._

_It's Penelope Kevin! I don't want to hear it. You've made me feel terrible the last couple of weeks and for what, for you to go off to your flimsy when it suits. I ruined the closest relationship I have had since my parents died; I gave that up for you. Threw it away and now you stand there saying that it doesn't mean a thing._

_I'm sorry Penelope._

_No you're not, your eyes tell me differently. Just give me my key back, you can have yours and you can take your stuff. I don't want to see you again. I never should have started this relationship with you._

She felt a tear roll down her face at the pain that memories could bring, how could she let him do it to her. She knew that Derek would never talk to her; her heart broke even more whenever that image came to mind.

_Derek we need to talk_

_Okay baby girl, what's up?_

_We need to stop the pet names._

_What. Why?_

_I'm in a relationship it makes Kevin uncomfortable_

_But it comes with the territory. It's our thing._

_But I need this to work; I've found someone who loves me, who is in love with me. I'm sorry_

How could she be so stupid? Derek was her everything. Everything that Kevin had never truly been. He was her friend, her best friend, her protector, her rock, her shoulder to cry on and most importantly a part of her family and she chucked him to the side, for a man. She was a bitch and she hated herself for it. With that more tears fled her eyes and she didn't even bother to catch them anymore. Was there any point. No one would care if she stayed there on the bed forever, she had pushed everyone away, kept them at arms left, shut them out and now she had absolutely no one. She did truly believe that Kevin was her one, was the one to make her happy but he ruined it, and she had no one to turn to.

_Hey Garcia, you up for a drink?_

_Oh no sorry, I can't going out with Kevin._

_Again? Pen this is every week now. We hardly see you these days._

_Sorry Emily, next week yeah?_

_Okay, well have fun._

She needed a way for these thoughts to stop, alcohol. That was her best bet that would numb the pain for the mean time. But before she could her phone rang, without hesitance she picked it up, not even considering the time.

'Yeah?'

'Pen, are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'Then why do you sound like you've been crying?'

'I'm perfectly fine Derek. Why did you call?'

'I knew you would be awake.'

'Well you know for definite now and now you can go back to sleep. I'm fine.'

'Okay but only if you are sure.'

She huffed as she put the phone down and then continued her journey towards the kitchen; thoughts still whizzing around her head.

_Penelope, open up we need to talk._

_Kevin, go away._

_Not until we talk._

_I don't want to talk to you right now._

_We have to. I've been a fool._

_That you have but I DON'T care, okay. You ruined me, so you have someone I have no one. You got what you wanted._

_I'm not with her anymore._

_What a shame for you Kevin. Feeling heartbroken? Well go get the sympathy vote elsewhere, I am not going to open my door for you, for you to walk in and expect me to kiss you and make up with you, it isn't going to happen._

_Fine but you'll regret this._

_No I won't._

She was on her seventh shot of tequila when there was knocking at her door, she ignored it and did her eighth. Another knock, again she ignored it and downed her ninth. It was now beginning to have the desired effect. Then she heard a key slid in the lock and the door open. Seeing Derek she looked shocked and then took a rather large swig out of the bottle.

'Pen, baby girl, how much have you had?'

'It doesn't matter. What the hell are you doing here Derek?' She asked as she took the bottle to her lips once more, but before she could it was swiped out of her hand.

'No you don't baby girl. I'm here because I could tell my God given solace was in hurting.'

'Look I'm fine nothing some alcohol can help with.'

'Help with? You are not taking that route.'

'Look okay I blew it, blew it with you with the team and with Kevin. I'm lonely all over again, no direct friends and no family, just like when I was 18 and this time it was my thought.'

'What are you talking about? I'm here, here to help you. You haven't pushed me away.'

'I chucked you for another man. One that broke my heart, and I have no one to pick up the pieces.'

'You never chucked me anywhere. You were in a relationship so I understood and I'm here to pick up the pieces, if you want me to.'

She was silent, just staring at the wall in front of her. 'He lied to me.' She said as the tears began to start their descent down her already wet cheeks. 'He told me he loved me but all along he was with some other girl. He blamed me for our relationship failing.'

'Aw Pen, come here.' He took her into his embrace and let her sob. He just sat there stroking her hair and kissing her head. It was through all her pain that something occurred to him, his feelings changed. 'Pen, why did he blame you?'

'He didn't want to live in the fantasy I had.'

'What fantasy gorgeous?'

'My fantasy... fantasy of loving you.' She pulled away from his embrace and stood. She began to pace back and forth shaking her head. The alcohol evidently swimming her veins.

'Pen, do you love me?' He watched her nod; he knew that that was not the alcohol talking.

'Go Derek, please. I can't believe I just told you. You of all people didn't need to hear my poor pathetic secret. Fat chance us two, I should have remembered not to tell you. Why am I so stupid?' With that said she collapsed to the floor in even more floods of tears.

Getting on the floor next to her he cupped his hands around her face and looked into her crying eyes. 'You are not stupid, and why didn't you want to tell me?'

'Well erm let me see, you're my best friend and love me like a brother. I am such a screw up, a fat geeky screw up who obviously doesn't deserve happiness and love.'

'Look, I do not want to hear you talk like that ever again! You are beautiful Pen, beautiful to me. You are not a screw up and you are loved by 6 people who are lucky to have met you and have you in their lives. Come on baby girl. Its Friday, no work, I'm going to look after you.' He picked her up from the floor and took her to her bedroom; he sat her on the bed and came back with a glass of water. 'Take this; it will take the edge off all that tequila you drank.'

'Thank you.'

'For what? I want to protect you and tomorrow when you are feeling up to it, we are going to talk about everything. There are some things I want to tell you, but at this moment in time I fear you won't remember them, but for now. Penelope Garcia, I love you.' He kissed her forehead and then gently on her lips. 'Sweet dreams baby girl.'

Fin

_**A/N- I do not know what came over me but I thought a little love story, where either Derek or Garcia get physically hurt to realise their love! Hope you liked it!**_


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